Mark H. Ryan's Pain Journal

Out in our front yard, I started up the weed eater. All was fine. Usual pain, but bearable. OKC was under a EMSA heat warning for weather. I was drinking PLENTY of water prior, during, and after. I finished up the front and still needed to do the side of the house but I thought, naw... heat was just too much. So I stopped. I wrapped up the electric cord and took both the cord, and weed eater in the house. Sat down on my bed and started taking off my pants as they were drenched with sweat. I felt a little tingle on my right side, just below my hip. I thought nothing of it seeings how my body acts stupid anyway. More of a tingle, then it felt like someone threw a small rock at that very location. Then BAMN!! It made my whole body wince in pain. I am now laying on my left side, typing this post... still feeling the searing pain periodically. Reading online I found out that bed rest isn't recommended but the rest of my body says something else. Only pain medicine I have is Ibuprofe...

Fell again, cleaning the house. THIS time I fell directly flat on my back. Complete with the back of the noggin meets stained wood. - Its almost 5am and I can't sleep. My legs are tinging, and my back is just... so unconformable. I lay one side, then the other... then back. It seems like falling has been a common occurrence for me. - I slept pretty crappy last night, for the hours that I DID sleep. We are going to the OKC Arts Festival later tonight. so that should be pretty cool. 50s and 60s music night.  Check out the calendar . I will be moving a little slower then normal but I think it will be worth it. Not my generation of music but I like all kinds. ... all the time I will whisper in the back of my head, "Don't fall... keep your balance, don't fall." More in this post a bit later. We decided not to go to that concert so we went home and I stayed up till 6am because my body wouldnt let me sleep.

4 days ago I forgot I had a pain blog, and wound up falling not once... BUT TWICE. I remember it quite vividly. The first happened when I was trying to help the kids clean up their toys in their room..The tips of my left hand felt as though there were needles going into just the tips, but not the thumb. my ankle felt like jelly and I dropped like a starving man trying to read that imaginary jelly sandwich. Of course we have hard wood floors all about. I skinned my forearm because I was able to stop myself in time. The second fall was the worst. I was picking up a half sized plastic trash can with some old tile my wife had dug up. I started talking to the front door and somehow woke up but remembering that I took a header over the dog kennel with a pretty big scrape on my leg. I woke up to both of my children crying and my wife calming them down. I remember I hit the floor on the back of my neck. I still have a head ache, literally. I am very forgetful (I was before too) and un...

I decided to walk up to our kids school rather then riding my scooter (car trouble) to pick the boys up. The school is only .5 miles away. So I basically walked a mile today going there and back. I don't think my ankles have hurt this bad in, well, forever. They have never really been an issue until today. Perhaps it was my iPod music blaring in my ears that gave too much of a spring in my step. Maybe I used those muscles a bit more then I do normally... still doesn't change the fact that I walked a mile today, and even though I am paying for it now, I am proud of myself for walking THAT far.

Post after post. Story after story. Word after word... it all seems so mechanical anymore. The aching on the outside outshines the turmoil on the inside. For so long I have dealt with all the idiocracies my body gives me.  I see people over twice my age walk faster, some with an almost spring in their step. I am tired of feeling broken all the time. I want to be able to walk like a 38 year old man then shuffle like a 65 year old fool. Sadly I can't. I try to go without using my cane and wind up hurting more after because I "caused" my body to bend the way it has problems bending without assistance. Working out only causes more pain. Therapy? Sure... give it to me. If I can lay in bed and hurt myself, therapy isn't a viable option. I am a father... at times though it seems this role are getting harder and harder to take on... but I won't fail. I refuse to. I grew up without really having a father figure. I had two best friends that were like my dad... but they w...

Happy 4th Of July everyone! I am hoping that today will be a good day. My body feels different though. It feels like I have several balls of electricity bouncing around inside. My muscles will jolt here and there. Sometimes in my fingers making me type the wrong letters on the iPad, and having to backspace a LOT causing this entry to take a lot longer to type then it normally would. I am really hoping that today will go smoothly and I won't bring any attention to myself. I crack jokes here and there and like to be the funny one... Just don't want my body to be the reason people notice or remember me. - Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

Today started like any other day. Woke up feeling sick with a head and body ache. Got meds on board and felt about the same. I was prescribed neurotin and since I started it, the shakes in my body have lessened dramatically. Today, tremors showed themselves mostly in my fingers and legs. I had ibuprofen and excederine, as well as Methocarbomol to try and stop the shakes. I also took, for the first time, a SECOND dose of Neurontin. I had so many muscle spasms that by the time my body stopped moving, my pain was very noticeable. If I get a dosage raise... There is only so much you can be prescribed. What do I do if I am already at the max? Too much will start hallucinations. That is all I need. I already see spots that aren't there...