Peaceful Groceries

Post after post. Story after story. Word after word... it all seems so mechanical anymore. The aching on the outside outshines the turmoil on the inside. For so long I have dealt with all the idiocracies my body gives me.  I see people over twice my age walk faster, some with an almost spring in their step. I am tired of feeling broken all the time. I want to be able to walk like a 38 year old man then shuffle like a 65 year old fool. Sadly I can't. I try to go without using my cane and wind up hurting more after because I "caused" my body to bend the way it has problems bending without assistance. Working out only causes more pain. Therapy? Sure... give it to me. If I can lay in bed and hurt myself, therapy isn't a viable option.

I am a father... at times though it seems this role are getting harder and harder to take on... but I won't fail. I refuse to. I grew up without really having a father figure. I had two best friends that were like my dad... but they were still new to the world too so we all learned together as we went. That's what I want to do. Learn WITH my sons, and maybe they will see the fire in me that burns for them.

I am a husband. A husband that loves and respects his wife. I see her as an equal, and treat her as such. She is the only other one on this earth that understands me... and that is a wondrous thing to have. Only one other that sees your pain, not as pity but as a motivator. I hear her every morning to get up and face the day, even though she hasn't said a word.

I can lay. I can sit. I can walk. I can talk... I can love. I can hold, I can adore. ... I can do many things still, but I fear that the list is slowly getting smaller and smaller.

Side Note - The title of this post is a bit confusing I am sure. I came up with it one day while waiting for my wife at a local store. I was sitting on a bench as she was standing in line to get prescriptions. My arm outstretched and grasped the shopping cart. That day I was especially shaky. I looked down and saw all the contents in the shopping cart shake as well... almost as being rocked to sleep. 

Hence the name.