Mark H. Ryan's Pain Journal

For some reason both my feet, calves, and right knee are swollen. Feels like I hyper extended my knee but I don't remember doing it. I have compression socks on and also a foot stool and it still hurts. Bah!

The amount of anxiety is absolutely staggering. Everything feels like it is closing in and piling up and I don't have a way out. Depression is a horrible thing for so many people. I know that if I can just get a handle on what it is that I have, to be diagnosed... things would be so much better. I would know then. Not knowing is so much harder to take... perhaps it WOULD be different if I did know, hell I haven't an idea. I am just grasping at straws at this point. I haven't posted on this blog in a while because it just started to seem whiny. Like a four year old wanting candy for dinner. Relentless. Just so hard. I was thinking about deleting this whole blog and not starting over. Not having a pain blog would be my way to say I have no pain. Again, grasping at straws. If I could just release and relax... it would be so much easier. No, I am not open to drugs unless they are prescribed. Just how I am. Now if they legalize I would try. But that is probably not something

On top of the other pains I now have the flu or just getting over the flu. Boy being a grown-up blows. My body aches are x's 10 today for sure. More to come tomorrow...