My Life's Question - Mary Jane?

I knew I would do this. I would forget to post for a few weeks. Life just gets going and we get lost in the flow... no matter how rocky it is. Just to recap :: I think that my body is unfortunately getting used to the Neurontin. I feel it gradually reverting back to how it was prior to me taking the medication. I am here at the kitchen table drinking a beer. I used to drink quite a lot about 10-15 years ago. I am lucky to finish a full beer nowadays. Alcohol used to dull the pain... but there is just too much pain and not enough desire to drink. I will say that I am glad I don't have an addictive personality. I would be a pill popper and drink religiously... and whatever else was out there if it helped. I don't though, Thank god.

One of the most asked questions that I get is "So have you tried Marijuana?" The answer is, yes. I have tried it. The outcome was mind boggling to me though. You would think that it would help. Hell, I did... but it actually makes it worse at times. Wrap your brain around that one for a little while. Weed caused my body to be more sensitive and way more open to the pain that was there. I remember the first time I smoked to see if the weed would help. I was so discouraged with the path my life was going. Terminally ill patients smoke government weed and feel a sense of release depending on their condition. Me... even more pain. I felt like, right after the toke session, that I was worthless. "Fuck!" I screamed. "I can't even do illegal drugs right!"

So here I sit, about as confused as all the doctors that I have seen.