Mark H. Ryan's Pain Journal

Laying on my left side in bed because my right side is throbbing. I have to continuously move from my left to my back, then to my right. After that I start the process over. Its also my sleep routine. It's probably one reason I don't feel rested or relaxed when I wake up. If only there was a pill that would turn off my muscles, it would be incredible. I know what your thinking... They DO make a pill that does that... I have taken so many different drugs to do just that with no success. Not sure why but today reminds me of A time where I was exceptionally jerky. My muscles were just insane. I had to go to the ER due to constant involuntary muscle spasms and pain all over. I couldn't walk because the muscles would contract and release at random times. I heard a doctor tell another doctor, "I have never felt muscles move that way." They had to give me Ativan to calm them down. They give 1 shot of Ativan for people that have Grand Mal Seizures. They gave me 2 shots be...

I swear I remind myself of Katherine Hepburn at times. Thank god my head nods aren't that pronounced or constant. We were in Choctaw, Oklahoma at my wife's mothers today. She had mentioned that she saw my head bob quite a bit while we were having dinner. Her mother knows a little about my condition, but this was the first time that someone ever drew my attention to it. I am almost used to it. Used to the misery. It's really sad that anyone could get used to something so painful. decaf. Not that I consume large amounts of "caf" anyways but my wife wanted me to try to remove it as to rule out the cause of the recent increased tremors and muscle spasms I have experienced. If this doesn't change anything, my dosage of Neurontin may have to be adjusted. I take 1200mg a day, and am skeptical of any more dosage upgrades. What does someone do when the increase of the meds doesn't stop the tremors? I would just shake. Shake so everyone can see me... just by a gla...

My body is sore. My head is cloudy. I just had a full body tremor that lasted a few hours. My right arm would shake, then my left leg. My jaw would get tight, and my head would bob side to side off and on thru out the attack. Fingers and hands would be locked in place with periodic moments where they resembled someone with MD. I am racking my brain trying to figure out what was different today that could have caused it. I am so lost right now I barily remember the sentence I typed before this one. Fingers are starting to tell me I have typed too much already. More later. :)

Well. I should have known that I was going to forget to post last night but someone told me of documentary and my wife and I HAD to watch it. Under Our Skin is the name of it. It talks about Lyme Disease. My long lost cousin who I apparently haven't seen since I was 4 years old. Hi Rochelle!! Anyway, she told me about the problems that she was/is having and told me to go to a website http://www.lymeinfo.net and there is when a little bit of hope grew to a little more hope. The symptoms are too many to mention but I have far too many of them to not look into it. I am probably admitting my own stupidity but I have heard of limes disease and always thought it was what people who weren't clean contracted. Granted it is caused by bacteria and ticks but I really learned a lot from the movie and the various websites I have visited. I look at it like this, even if they do the tests and I don't have it, that is one more thing that I can rule out that I DON'T have. Silver lining,...

Well, I spent the full day yesterday laying in bed and trying to let the muscles relax and rest. Now it is time to get up and I am so not looking forward to it, especially with it being a little chilly out. It seems that "this" is stealing a little mobility each year. Over 5 years now walking with a cane... It makes me wonder where I will be in another 5 years. Scooter? Of course I would cope, I would have to. I have been blessed with a odd sence of humor and way of thinking about things. I can see me shopping for bumper stickers, and flame decals for the scooter. Anything to get past it... I have two kids and a wife that count on me to be a part of this family. I won't lie, I forget that a lot. I don't want it to be all about me. I downplay my illness because I have dreams and thoughts (blame tv maybe) and I see my kids getting robbed of a childhood because I am focused on the wrong things that make life... Life. I can't wait for our kids to get into sports, whic...

Sitting in the ER waiting room waiting for Kasaundra. Had to get a refill of my Tramadol. It is really sad that other people that try to manipulate the system ruin it for all the others that truly need the medications. I am taking low grade pain meds for high grade pain. Of course I am going to run out. I have to double up on the meds to get ANY relief. I, of course, am no doctor. Who am I to say what meds I should take. But common sence dictates that if there is a certain level of pain to a condition, you treat it with the same level of anti pain meds to lower or negate that condition. It's just sad. Sad that we as Americans cannot leave this world without twisting and turning something to fit our warped and selfish needs. Sorry this entry on my blog is a little more bitter then the other posts. I will try to not have this be a growing trend. I do want to add though that this is feeling more therapeutic then it ever has before. Maybe I need this. Maybe I need to just vent and let ...

I woke up this AM pretty much like any other day. I felt my head tremors a little more profound then other days but nothing more then I was already used to. Yesterday we had the neighbor boy over playing in our front yard with my two little boys and his niece. I remember just standing on the porch and watching all the excitement. Everyone was chasing each other lauching and smiling from ear to ear. For once in my life i saw that I had what I have always wanted. I had THAT yard. The yard where everyone comes to. The FUN house. A sandbox, cars and dump trucks. Toys layed out everywhere as if hit by the most perfect childhood cyclone. After taking my meds this morning, Neurontin, Flexril, Methocarbomol, Ranatidine, and Celexa. -I know it sounds like a lot but it's what was prescribed to me and has since then worked to add a little normalcy to my life- I layed there for about 30 to 45 minutes until the tremors in my neck stopped my head from nodding. Right before sitting up I no...