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A Home-Less

Pardon my emotions on this one. They will be scattered various places. Man. Where do I start? ... I am usually a pretty private person but I need to release some guilt/stress or I will explode on people who dont deserve it. Ok, here I go... I feel as though I am a horrible father. God that sentence hurts. One of the very few things I have prided myself on is being a good dad. I have failed. Failed both my boys, as well as their mother. We are soon without a home, because I, the "provider" could not provide. Due to medical issues I could not make our mortgage payments... and now we have until the 2nd of December to vacate. Yes, I am a horrible father... I have taken the foundation out from my families feet and have replaced it with uncertainty... and did so at the worse time of the year. As I re-read what I typed up just now, I thought seeing it in print would possibly lead me to clarify of thought... You know, like sometimes in movies where the unlikely hero just captures ...
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Still Back

My back is still on fire. Lower back. I have been trying to loosen it up but it becomes more and more unbearable as time progresses. Even hurts when I take a deep breath. I go to the pain management doc on the 5th so we will see.
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My Life's Question - Mary Jane?

I knew I would do this. I would forget to post for a few weeks. Life just gets going and we get lost in the flow... no matter how rocky it is. Just to recap :: I think that my body is unfortunately getting used to the Neurontin. I feel it gradually reverting back to how it was prior to me taking the medication. I am here at the kitchen table drinking a beer. I used to drink quite a lot about 10-15 years ago. I am lucky to finish a full beer nowadays. Alcohol used to dull the pain... but there is just too much pain and not enough desire to drink. I will say that I am glad I don't have an addictive personality. I would be a pill popper and drink religiously... and whatever else was out there if it helped. I don't though, Thank god. One of the most asked questions that I get is "So have you tried Marijuana?" The answer is, yes. I have tried it. The outcome was mind boggling to me though. You would think that it would help. Hell, I did... but it actually makes it ...
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