Mark H. Ryan's Pain Journal

Well, I have but 2 fingers and 2 thumbs that I am able to use with minimal pain now so typing this is very difficult and time consuming. First finger on each hand and the thumbs are the only ones with movement now. This could change at practically any time. It's situations like these that I call whatever I have "stupid" pain. Just no sence in it. I have nothing to call my condition. Either it has a name and no one has formally introduced us, or it chooses to remain nameless... For now. I know your asking yourselves, "Why be so dramatic, is it really THAT bad?" Yeah, it's that bad, and the blogging seems to be my Snickers of the day. It's tiding me over until the main course gets prepared.

Ugh! I feel the hurt in my bones! I set up the sandbox yesterday for the boys. We got 200lbs of sand, 4 bags at 50lbs each. I actually thought that I wasn't going to hurt today. I was pretty surprised that I was able to move so well after I got them all set up, ripped open and poured out. My hands are pretty sore in all the joints/hinges as if I was holding on to something for dear life for hours. My fingers also feel like If you had too much flesh around the bone. Plump. Almost not able to close my hands. My lower back from bending over to lift/pour, and my knees have the feeling of something on fire under the kneecap on both knees. Just overall stiff. Just so sad... And stupid.

My pain is pretty manageable today. I did have an issue with my right shoulder. We were walking into Home Depot to pick up some sand for our children's sand box. Before we ever got to the isle... hell, even before we walked into the second set of doors of the store my shoulder started hurting. No stumbling into or hitting anything previous. I had grabbed a nearby scooter and made my way inside. For about 3 or 4 seconds only, I had a pain as though my shoulder had come out of it's socket. That kind of pain would have stopped me mid scoot, sad what you can get used to. The pain subsided about as fast as it started with just the "normal" aches and pains I usually have. It's really stupid. The pains that come and go almost have ME wondering sometimes if all this isn't in my head. I have had a lot of times where I felt like there was something wrong with me mentally and NOT physically. I guess anyone that goes thru this kind of consistent undiagnosed has to at some...

Well, yesterday was probably the first day I have had tremors since taking Neurontin. It is only effecting my left leg though. I was lucky enough to have this happen while I was in the hospital waiting for my doctor appointment. She gave me a script for Flexril so hopefully that will allow the tremors to subside. My wife thinks that my onset is because of stress and worry. That could be, all I know is that after this stops its twitching... my leg will be sore as hell. My right leg will have to compensate for the pain which will cause me to walk a different way and maneuver my cane. This will then hurt my feet and ankles. Its crazy. If one part of your body that is frequently used, isn't able to be used that way, the others have to work differently. This is Similar to if one would try to catch themselves from slipping or falling. The muscles tighten in a way that aren't normally used. This is why they say that trying to catch yourself from falling is sometimes worse then the fal...

Didn't go to work today. The pain was so bad that it kept me up a lot during the night. I would feel as though I needed to stretch my body as much as I could until I would feel my skin get thin and light in places and my fingers and wrists start hurting, thats usually when my body tells me that your done stretching. Its a wierd feeling to always have that "twange" in your muscles. That they could misfire at any given time. About to go out X-mas shopping. This should be interesting. Sent from my Windows® phone.

Well... It has been far too long since I have posted anything. This is just a post to prepare you for the many posts to come. There have been a few changes medically with my condition but all that will be mentioned soon as well as exactly what ALL my symptoms are. Someone read my posts and commented that I never really mentioned my symptoms. Next post I plan to lay it all on the line and just go from there. "Pride swallowed is virtue earned." Stay tuned. Sent from my Windows® phone.

I knew I would do this. I would forget to post for a few weeks. Life just gets going and we get lost in the flow... no matter how rocky it is. Just to recap :: I think that my body is unfortunately getting used to the Neurontin. I feel it gradually reverting back to how it was prior to me taking the medication. I am here at the kitchen table drinking a beer. I used to drink quite a lot about 10-15 years ago. I am lucky to finish a full beer nowadays. Alcohol used to dull the pain... but there is just too much pain and not enough desire to drink. I will say that I am glad I don't have an addictive personality. I would be a pill popper and drink religiously... and whatever else was out there if it helped. I don't though, Thank god. One of the most asked questions that I get is "So have you tried Marijuana?" The answer is, yes. I have tried it. The outcome was mind boggling to me though. You would think that it would help. Hell, I did... but it actually makes it ...