12 Seconds

I almost fell asleep watching my right hand. It started as a kind of twitch. I felt it but couldn't see it move. After a few painful "twitches" it then started to physically move. My two middle fingers at first. They were moving side to side instead of the way someone would grasp something or make a fist. Pulses. Then my pinkie. Without consciously flexing a muscle my hand was almost flapping to gain flight. For about 12 seconds...  and it was gone. That's it. The only thing that remained were extremely sore muscles. I wished that i could call it a standard run of the mill spasm but, i cant. It felt like something different. Something was off.

I really don't understand my body sometimes. No one does it seems. I haven't had a muscle flutter quite like this one. It is physically hard to type this post after experienced something like that. Nothing has changed in my diet, I ate no new foods or drink. No consumption of alcohol or drugs... nothing different than any other day.

Happy New Year body, you're broken. What a letdown. A shitty start of the new year, or perhaps it was the punctuation ending the prior year. A subtle fuck you, I'm done. Moving on. Yeah, I guess its all about how you look at things... or how you choose how not to look at things.

This is not sitting well with me at all. I am not freaking out or anything. My body has done this weird stuff for a while. Just not for a long time. I'd like to think my body was healing or something. Anyway, it was enough of a hhmm moment to make me write a blog post about it so... it must have been pretty significant. I started this blog a few years ago and have learned to resent it but, I know it has to be done. If anything it gives me a blueprint of how whatever it is has escalated as well as a timeframe.